Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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