"it" just moved
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
