"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
