Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
