in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
