Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
