laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
