you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
