He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
