You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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