just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
