I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Terrible idea I love it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
