pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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