My underwear smells like fireworks.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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