Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
