then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
