Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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