Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
