What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
