note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
