Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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