I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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