bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
