i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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