We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
