I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
