Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize
