No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
