STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
