Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His hands were made for my vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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