and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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