it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
