The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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