i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
