I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
