Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
