If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
