you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
