Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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