i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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