i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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