I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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