I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
