Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
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I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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