I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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