Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
