I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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