Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
