I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
