I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
