you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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