im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
