And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
