We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
