If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Randomize
