im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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