You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
