I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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