remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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