next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
