btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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