where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize