butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
