There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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