put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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