are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
