Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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