Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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