The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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