now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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