Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
