Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
