just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's blow job season.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
