these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
