Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What a dumb baby whore.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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