the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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