I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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