i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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