It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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