You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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