hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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