so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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