I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
