Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My feet surprised me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
