just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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