My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
