I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
