i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she smelled like a LAN party
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
