Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
